An unshakable itch

I’ve been chasing an idea that I can’t shake. I’ve tried more times than I can count, but it never leaves me.

This itch stems from an idea that I stumbled upon over 10 years ago now, and I’m still looking for the solution. This idea was Vannevar Bush’s Memex. At the time I was studying Graphic Design at Central St Martins and struggling with documenting my process. It felt like I was expected to demonstrate a clean linear path of how I got from A to B, but my process was never that easy.

The idea of the associative trails that Bush described seemed like the perfect way for me to document what I was thinking. I imagined a magical world where I could throw a bunch of ideas and create trails that brought them back together.

This could be the solution to all my problems. Finally, my non-linear self could be fit into the linear thinking world we live in.

Turns out, it wasn’t that easy. I’ve tried countless journalling techniques. I’ve played with all the apps (like Obsidian, Roam Research, and Arena). I even tried building it for myself a few times. None of them quite stuck.

Eventually, something dawned on me (beyond that Ritalin would be a good idea).

Not only do these tools have specific requirements depending on the individual, but they only work if you build up habitual usage of them. And habits are really easy to lose.

You have to really take care of your Memex. I don’t think I’m cut out for that.

Every now and then I think, this is the time I will solve this, but I’ve come to peace with the fact that I probably won’t. There’s something beautiful in the chaotic mess of thoughts that I have jotted down all over the place.

What was the point of writing this if I’m at peace with it? Maybe this is just a long, slow failure I’ve learned to live with.

Maybe writing this gives me permission to accept that.

Or maybe I’m not at peace at all. Fuck knows.

13 May 2025